How many.....

This is an take out from Wordofmouthdiscussions on associate.com which I moderate. This was of course all in fun.

Ok.
We have been taking some of ourselves a little to serious lately..great discussions, yet I feel it is time for levity.
So how do you change a light bulb?
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.
Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to
pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterian: None. Lights will go on and off at
predestined times.
Catholic: None. Candles only.
Baptist: At least 15. One to change the light bulb,
and three committees to approve the change and decide who
brings the potato salad.
Episcopalian: Three. One to call the electrician, one
to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better
the old bulb was.
Methodist: Undetermined. Whether your light is
bright, dull, or completely burned out, you are loved.
You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb.
Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring
the bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while
five men review church guide on lighting policy.
Lutheran: None. Lutherans don’t believe in change.
Church of Christ: They do not use light bulbs because
there is no evidence of their use in the New Testament.
Amish: What’s a light bulb?
(These two though not Christian are funny)
Mormon: Five. One man to change the bulb and four
wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarian: We choose not to make a statement either
in favor of , or against the need for a light bulb.
However, if in your own journey you have found that light
bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to
write a poem or compose a modern dance about your bulb
for next Sunday’s service, during which we will explore a
number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent,
fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of
which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Now the real question is how does a postmodern change a light bulb?
Blessings,
Iggy
The Following are the answers to the last question and an addition to the Baptist statements.
Postmodern contemplating changing the Lightbulb......
Has it been revealed that it needs to be changed?
How do you know its actually out?
Who has received the truth that its burned out...?
It is subjective and if I dont change it ...am I being rebellious?
If I change it and its not out....I am being anti-bulbical?
In the postmodern emerging church movement enviroment ie. ginkworld we no longer utilize lightbulbs.....they are traditional and very cultural.... we no longer need them....as we .......
are shedding our OWN light on all who will take the TIME to listen to us OOZE.....
hehheh ehehehe
this is good stuff

Pastor HughesEast Mesa Baptist Church


Now the real question is how does a postmodern change a light bulb?<<<>
Since we are picking on everyone let me add this:
How many IFB Pastors does it take to change a light bulb?
None! What? Change? Never!
God BlessDr. David

Shalom Alechem...Barukh Hashem Y’shua! (Peace and Blessings in Jesus’ name!)

Answered by a IFB Pastor:
Been the same for nearly 2000 years! Why change?
David W

Answered by a Postmodernist:
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? how do postmonderns change a lightbulb? with great joy and in community - we love, accpet and embrace change :) pax jok

A Calvinist Pastor wrote to this:
But then you debate on whether you know enough aboutthe originalculture of the lightbulb to understand it :)

Which brought out this rebuttal:
well, only if there was a modern in the group :) wewould accept the fact that the buld was culturalybased - and we might seek to find a new way ofbringing light to the room :)paxjok

A Baptist added:
Baptist: At least 15. One to change the light bulb,
and three committees to approve the change and decide who
brings the potato salad.
This will never get done, there’s no Fried Chicken for that Potato Salad!!



To which I added these thoughts:
They gather together and go to their sacred space to meditate on the sermon illustration of the burned out light bulb.
or
They enthusiastically gather to change the light bulb but are suspicious weather the light bulb needs to be change for it is man made and modern yet believe God is the true source of all Light.
or
The light bulb has a right to it’s own view and we should respect it. For if God deems it that the light bulb changes He will change it.
or
Soren Kerkagaard, as the suffering philosopher was challenged as he contemplated the shallowness of the condition to the religious establishment and being a tortured soul pondered if salvation was truly obtainable without understand suffering. So to burn your hand on a lighted bulb a was type of suffering to which one could attain a knowledge of the sufferings of Christ. Yet, to let the light burn would not be as spiritual as to suffer the darkness, as Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane. To suffer the darkness we participate in the meaning of the suffering Christ whom which we wish to understand.
Blessings,
iggy