Yep, I said it. Now don’t get all bent out of shape and sending me hate messages…
Let me explain.
When I was a young man I was an up and coming “rock star”. I was good enough to play with the seniors when I was in ninth grade and sang and played guitar. Later I was in a band and was approached to record by and evangelist, yet nothing came of it.
I became a believer around age 16 and tried to get a “Christian” band together. I did… we rocked, yet could not get it together enough to record and tour. I hoped to get band together up until about age 25 but nothing would happen for me.
I then became very involved in ministry. I was a youth pastor and was on a rocket ride toward ordination. But, you see that is when God messed it all up and showed me His Grace. I was torn between going through with the ordination yet; the denomination at this time was strictly Arminian in persuasion. It seems they have lightened up a bit on this since then. I decided to not go through with it. I followed Jesus instead.
Two dreams in my life were gone. Jesus wrecked my life.
Since then I have only tried to follow God’s guiding. It is not easy. I was struggling in my 30’s for a time… knowing God would never leave me or forsake me. It was a dark time in my life and I tried many wrong things to just get away from God. I knew in my heart I could not, but I felt worthless and useless… I had three friends die in one year. One from a heart attack related to his diabetes. Two in head on motorcycle accidents. I preached at my best friend’s funeral… he was an atheist.
God is good though. One day I looked in the mirror and asked myself if I liked myself. I honestly did not. I asked myself what I needed to do to change that and God answered.
Funny when God answers one cannot answer dishonestly. God seems to corner you in the Light of His love and grace and overwhelm you with Kindness and mercy. I decided by His guidance to life my values.
Now, as I said it is not easy. I still must depend on Jesus every day to overcome my downfalls. I must press into Him to fight off my anger and my self pity. God is good. He is always there. Even in my darkest hours I sense His loving hand and kindness that draws me to Him. I wish I would not fail and displease Him and He reminds me Jesus already pleased Him and I dwell in Christ Jesus. God reminds me He does not see me and my sin, but sees me in Christ.
In tears I am reminded of the verse… a couple of verses that pull me through.
Philippians 1: 4-6 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
2 Corinthians 5: 20-21. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
These are my prayers for you my readers. I pray that if you are in a dark time that you press in and know God is with you and will not forsake you. If you do not know the love of Jesus, I will say it is better to have a wrecked life in Him than to live life not knowing Him. Consider trusting Him today.